i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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