Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
