1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
