If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
