Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
