I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
