I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
