she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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