Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
