I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
