There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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