well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
