hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
