My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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