Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
