May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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