I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
