I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
