Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
