is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
