I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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