im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
