Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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