So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
