The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
