I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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