oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
