Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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