READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found puke in my bra..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
