its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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