I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At least make sure they are 18
Why
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
