it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
