Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
