It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
