We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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