Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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