then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
