k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
