I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
