Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
