so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
