Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
