Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
