turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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