he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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