I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bring me that man meat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
