And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
