if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
