That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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