Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
