I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My vagina just clenched in fear
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
