you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
