I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
