Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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