Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who died my cat blue again?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
