i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
