you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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