I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
