I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
