Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
