I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
